How to make a ban appeal

[mb733]

In light of recent backlash against the pathetic amount of effort being put into ban appeals, I thought I would go ahead and make a quick tutorial that just about anyone can follow.

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Step One:  Get banned.
No point in making a ban appeal if you aren't actually banned.  Now there are a few ways you could do this, but here are a few of the more popular methods players use:

• Crop out the top half of the screenshot you have of someone hacking
  
• Hack directly in front of an admin
  
• Piss off the same admin multiple times
  
• Name yourself after one of the admins
  
• exploit an eco glitch
  
• Talk shit about eggnog
  
• Saying something racist
  
• Talk about your favorite snack: crackers
  
• Break the rules
  

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Step Two: The Ban appeal.
This step is by far the most time consuming; expect to spend about 1-2 minutes on this in order to get unbanned.  Seeing as this one is so long, I'll break it up into a few sections.

• The Title: The should really just be, "yournamehere's ban appeal," but here are a few titles made by professionals that you should take a look at
  
  1. [li]Banned for no reason
     
  2. i got baned for no reson Unban Appeal
     
  3. Banned on Prison and i want to be unbanned
     
  4. I got banned for no reason plz beleve me i dont hack
     
  5. ban apeal
     
  6. I wasnt hacking (plz read)
     
  7. PLESE UNBAN ME
     
  
  Notice the immense amount of typos and the constant begging, these are very important.  By far, the most important technique is starting with, "I was banned for no reason."  (Because obviously you wouldn't be banned if you hadn't done anything)
  
  [/li]
  
  
• The Format: although the forum's guide for getting unbanned clearly states to use this specific format:
  
  IGN:
  Who banned you?
  When were you banned? (Time/Date)
  Why were you banned?
  Are you at fault?
  What was your rank on MCP?
  Why should we unban you?
  Additional info:
  
  Don't be fooled, you can actually just make up your own format; it's much easier than copying and pasting that code snippet onto your appeal.
  
  
  
  
• Why were you banned?:  If you say in the title "I was banned for no reason" and then put the reason you were banned in this field, you are an idiot.  You should put the actual reason you were banned for right here.  A few examples of the right answer for this are: hacking, ban bypass, being racist, etc.
  
  
  
• Are you at fault?:  Choose your answer here wisely.  If you are caught flying around prison and get banned for hacking, the correct answer here is, "yes."  It may seem like a fantastic idea to say no, but admins are not partial to unbanning liars.
  
  
  
• Why should you be unbanned?  This field is by far the most important, so make sure it's littered with typos.  You should try to have only a few words spelled correctly here, and make sure you don't actually give a legitimate reason for being unbanned here.  Also, if you put, "because I didn't do anything," you are a fucking idiot and will most likely stay banned.
  
  
  
• Additional Info:  This is for cat pictures and memes n' shit.
  

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Step Three: Replies.
If you are having trouble replying to some of the comments who use actual facts and evidence, try the Lie and Deny approach.  The basic idea is to reply to every comment with some clearly bullshit excuse for why they are wrong.

Also, piss off a few admins, it really helps your case.  jk this doesn't work, it's why i'm still banned

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Frequently asked Questions:
"but mb, aren't you banned why are you still on the forums." because it's finals week and I'm a procrastinator.

"but mb, none of your appeals actually got you unban--" shut up.  oh yeah that's a good point.

"I heard you defending Trump, doesn't that make you a racist xenephobic white supremist pig?"  yes, actually.  My political affiliations define me as a person completely.  The fact I think Bill Clinton is a funny guy also makes me a rapist.  Checkmate, Hillary Cli----- (it was at this moment mb knew he had fucked up.  After commiting suicide by shooting himself in the back of the head twice, he decided to endorse Hillary Clinton and donate all of his money to the Clinton Foundation.)

[omega015]

And this is why you wasn't unbanned. Your ban appeal was rife with grammatically correct sentences, correctly spelled and sophisticated words. Do you think we have time to look up every other word and read more than 2 sentences? Good tutorial and it should help speed up those unbans when we don't need to read much and filter out the quality mcp players.

[masterovieOG]

And this is why you wasn't unbanned.

facepalming. Pretty sure it's "And this is why you weren't unbanned."

[omega015]

[quote author=Miner link=topic=4442.msg25662#msg25662 date=1481704976]
And this is why you wasn't unbanned.

facepalming. Pretty sure it's "And this is why you weren't unbanned."
[/quote]

Exactly my point  Kappa

[mb733]

Previously colored white:

jk this doesn't work, it's why i'm still banned

[Coolskate2449]

Why do all you fucks take my idea? I am the one who is the ban appeal guide not you bud, ban appeals aren't essay's jesus dude, first cougar now you!
Stop it brother, both of your guides ain't good at all

[mitsuo_wolfblood]

No mcp player can make a decent guide.

[Coolskate2449]

No mcp player can make a decent guide.

Lots can, its just people act retarded on the forums

[mb733]

Why do all you fucks take my idea? I am the one who is the ban appeal guide not you bud, ban appeals aren't essay's jesus dude, first cougar now you!
Stop it brother, both of your guides ain't good at all

Exactly why I've adapted my approach to meet the needs of modern society; Darwin called it survival of the fittest, I call it shorter appeals.

expect to spend about 1-2 minutes on this in order to get unbanned

but it's possible this guideline is a joke

[Coolskate2449]

[quote author=Coolskate2449 link=topic=4442.msg25666#msg25666 date=1481730970]
Why do all you fucks take my idea? I am the one who is the ban appeal guide not you bud, ban appeals aren't essay's jesus dude, first cougar now you!
Stop it brother, both of your guides ain't good at all

Exactly why I've adapted my approach to meet the needs of modern society; Darwin called it survival of the fittest, I call it shorter appeals.

expect to spend about 1-2 minutes on this in order to get unbanned

but it's possible this guideline is a joke
[/quote]
Stop dont make a fake tutorial, wasting your time, and other peoples